Winning Clunker

Pearlville Motors announced the winner of its “Biggest Clunker” contest.  Yes, we said “winner,” as in one winner of all three categories: Oldest Clunker, Ugliest Clunker, and Best Deal Clunker.  Arlen Hillenbrandt won it all by trading in his 1984 Oldsmobile Delta 88.  “We wanted to spread the awards around,” said Sales Manager Bob Jenkins, “and on Saturday we thought we would have different winners in all three categories, but Arlen came in on Monday and blew the field away.  There was no question that his Olds was the oldest, ugliest, and the most profitable trade-in.” 

There was some discussion of whether or not Arlen’s car qualified.  Qualifying clunkers must be in running condition, and no one heard the car’s engine running when he pulled into the dealership.  “I got it here, didn’t I?  It wasn’t towed in or pushed in.  I drove right into the lot.  It’s not my fault if they can’t start it now.”  One salesman told this reporter confidentially that Arlen’s car was gravity powered, as he lives uphill from the dealer.  But no one is going to argue.  Arlen announced as he drove away in his new Ford Taurus that he will donate his $4500 award to the town.

Cash for Clunkers Awards

Pearlville Motors yesterday announced that it will present its “Biggest Clunker” awards to the customers who made out the best under the government’s “Cash for Clunkers” program which ends at 8pm tonight.  Sales Manager Bob Jenkins said the sales staff will vote for winners in three categories: Oldest Clunker, Ugliest Clunker, and Best Deal Clunker, with prize money of $2500, $1500, and $500 respectively, to be donated to the winner’s charity of choice.  “Total prize money is $4500, the same as each customer received from the government for trading in their clunkers.  This program was a windfall for Pearlville Motors and we want to give something back to the community.  This will be a fun way to do it.”